For Our StepMothers

One of the first comments I got last year when I posted the Mothers Day write up, Brave mothers, gave me an idea of what to post the following year. A year looked like a long way so I never wrote it but here we are. It’s a year already although it feels like just yesterday. I’ve always wanted to write about her but I’ve not been able to put my thoughts together. However, the past year to date has given me a lot of reasons to write about her and other women like her. Some of us were not “fortunate” to grow up with our biological parents. We found ourselves in broken homes. I no longer see it as a misfortune like society puts it sometimes because there’s so much to learn from that kind of family setting as well.

In the 1990s and early 2000s, the thoughts of having a stepmother were scary. We never heard anything good about stepmothers. They always had to be wicked. I guess Cinderella’s stepmother did a good job at brainwashing our innocent minds about stepmother’s right from childhood. You can imagine how sad I became when my father sat me down one day and told me he was getting married to this young lady who used to visit and cook for us sometimes. I was used to my dad and us that I didn’t want us to have anyone else if it wasn’t going to be my mother but my dad had made up his mind and this is Ghana, you don’t have a say in your parents decision especially back then.

I didn’t even know the implications of my father’s decision then but I remember I wasn’t happy about the news like someone I know. My older sister had welcomed the news with excitements. That girl is always happy and friendly so she was already friends with our soon to be mum and couldn’t be bothered about my thoughts of what if she came to treat us bad and made us miserable. Writing this just made me realize I’ve always been an over-thinker right from childhood. l am sure it was part of the reason I ended up sick on their wedding day..😂😂😂. I remember sitting at the back of the church by my Auntie crying as if it was a funeral service. Of course, I was in pain from the sickness but that was not the only reason for crying. My uncle couldn’t stand it at a point and took me to the hospital because my dad kept looking back to check up on me. I wanted to make my dad sad on a day which was suppose to be his happy day. Children can worry!. So that’s the short story about how my siblings and I ended up with a stepmother no one even knows is our stepmother unless we decide to tell you.

My friends comment on my write up was simple. He said I should write about his stepmother on mother’s day. I asked him why and he said she’s the best mother in the whole world. He didn’t give me details but from the little I picked up from his WhatsApp status updates, I realized why he said that. Some time ago he had an injury to his leg whiles playing football and he couldn’t walk for some time. His mum made him feel he was on vacation. The pampering and love for such a grown man were overwhelming. I was telling myself one time that his mum has time for him a lot. If it was me, he won’t play football again after he recovers. I’ve heard stories about good stepmothers as I open up about mine to people but you hardly hear them especially on days like mothers day. Things are changing now and we get to hear about good women like these nowadays. Today I’m also going to share my story. Should I say our story of our stepmother.

She agreed to marry a typical Asante man who doesn’t just live with his children but some extended family members. I don’t know what kind of love will make me agree to marry such a man. When I think about this decision alone all I say is, God bless her. After the wedding day, things didn’t go as I feared. She was good to us. She wasn’t wicked. That woman doesn’t have any drop of wickedness in her. Yes she’s human and has her own flaws but she is a good woman. She had patience for us all especially me, the black sheep of the family. I use to give her a hard time with my annoying attitude sometimes and clumsiness. The funny part was, I was the one she sacrificed the most for and is still sacrifing. The number of times she came to pick me up from school because I was sick and the trips she’s made to the hospital alone is more than she’s done for any biological child of hers but she does it all with love and has never complained. I just remembered the day my older sister came home crying some few minutes after she left for work that, a woman had abused her on her way to work. My mother put on shorts and went there to put the woman in her place and believe me she never tried it again. My mother is quite so for her to do that, it means no one messes with my child. That’s how she’s always had our backs and supported us through our lives. I used to confide in my dad when I was little but for some reasons, we all talk to her more than our dad now. She’s got our back any day, anytime. You know your secret is safe with her, unlike someone we know who can’t keep secrets from his wife…😂

Last year we cheered our brave single mothers. This year, we celebrate women who took children who are not theirs but nurtured them up with love and care as if they are their flesh and blood. We celebrate stepmothers who cared for their husbands’ children, women who cared for their siblings children, sisters-in-law who cared for their husbands nieces and nephews, we celebrate women who cared for children they are not related to in any way. The list goes on and on. For the sacrifices they made, we say thank you. For the silent tears they shed, we say thank you. For the prayers they did and continue to do, we say thank you. For the times they wanted to give up but didn’t, we say thank you. For the things they do for us that we can’t share, we say thank you. Not all of us will marry and start our own family as a man and wife. Life happens and some people end up with a child or two. When you find your self married in such a situation, please love the children as your own. It’s not easy, I know but it’s a blessing in disguise. Decide to be a step mother who makes a difference in the life your child.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mother’s especially our Step mother’s. Thank you. We love you!!

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This Post Has One Comment

  1. Awwww!
    Don’t we all love ‘Adwoaaaa’
    Great write up!

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